Today Looks Like This.


The Mariah sweater in progress. What I’ve cleverly disguised is that I have less than one half of one sleeve done. Instead, gaze upon my (limited) productivity!
It’s going to be a cold Autumn wearing what amounts to a washcloth.


Then I came downstairs and stumbled on this scene. At first I was touched to see the cats actually enjoying a nap together. But look closer — Zoey’s tail has formed a careful buffer zone around Jadie. I got a sour look for catching them almost touching. They mutually disgust one another.

I haven’t opened any windows or blinds yet today, and the house is chilly from last night. I’m going to hang out under a blanket, knitting and watching online documentaries for the rest of the day.

What’s your day like today?

Barbie’s Malibu Murder House

So lifelike! So fun! You’ll spend hours and hours with Malibu Murder Barbie. Detach Ken’s head for realistic blood effects; just like in the movies! Ken’s head turns blue when refrigerated!

Set includes Malibu Murder Barbie, Dead Ken (with optional spare head), nontoxic stage blood, and Silly Puppy That’s Not Food. Crime scene tape sold separately.

Be the first girl on your block to commit a murder!*

*always ask a parent for permission

(photo: unknown source. Text by yours truly.)

LifeGem: Diamonds From the Dead

“The LifeGem is… a certified, high-quality diamond created from a lock of hair or the cremated ashes of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.”

© LifeGem

LifeGem uses carbon from your loved one’s hair and/or cremains to create diamonds. You read that right: this company will make you a lab-created diamond from the remains of a person or pet. The stones are available in blue, red, yellow, green, or the more classic “colorless”/white.

According to the company, “LifeGem diamonds are considered real diamonds. LifeGem created diamonds are identical in every aspect to natural diamonds. They have the same brilliance, fire, and hardness as any high quality diamond you may find at Tiffany & Co.”

You could put your actual family into a family ring. I have to admit I’m morbidly interested in the idea, especially since you can use hair from living people. “This? It’s my husband. No, not from my husband, it is my husband. Isn’t it beautiful?”

Would you?

(photo from LifeGem; explore their site here.)

BoardZilla

I decided to try the whole planning-a-novel-on-index-cards-thing, so I bought a new cork board to hold them. I already had one in the office, but I decided I needed more space.

Ahem.

The small one is for mere mortals.

I had to move the front seats of the car forward, collapse the back seats, and was barely able to squeeze the trunk shut. The board came from our local Ikea-knockoff, so its size was given in centimeters, and I’m a bad Canadian and suck at metric but I’m thinking it’s at least four and a half feet tall. Maybe five.

I lugged it through the back door. My husband was gaming on the couch in the living room, and when he saw my new monstrosity he just laughed.

“That’s ridiculous! That thing’s HUGE! You could use it as a sled.”

“Shut up.”

“Or hold it over your head for a parachute…or use it to build an addition on the house…”

“SHUT UP.”

“Parasail…area rug…bet it won’t fit up the stairs.”

I rolled my eyes, asked him to kindly shut the fuck up, and went to carry it upstairs. I managed to put a ding in the wall, which made him laugh so hard I thought he’d pee himself.

I love my new cork board. It will be the answer, I know it. I’m guessing this thing’ll hold about 60 index cards, which should get me through just fine (ha!).

I told a coworker about it, and without missing a beat she said, “Flotation device in a flood.”

Shut up.

SniderWriter Hits 5000 Views!

Seriously, though.

Thank you.

I’ve been blabbing my face off here for just over seven months now. When I started, eight views a day was a considerable feat.

But now over 700 of you have signed on to let me into your lives & brains every day, and I’m grateful for you. Not to mention the others who find themselves here unexpectedly; thanks to you too, and welcome (though I still haven’t figured out how searching “shower sexy” brought you here).

You rule. You’re fantastic. You’re beautiful (or handsome, respectively).

I’m still working on being a full-time writer, and I get discouraged from time to time. You guys keep me going. Your comments, tweets, and support make my day.

So thank you. Keep coming back, and I’ll keep doing my best to scare the shit out of you.

XOXO, Stef

(photo from The Screaming Skull, via Horror Society)

Rumour Has It: Amityville’s Back

“Producer Tony DeRosa-Grund has picked up the rights to what is being referred to as the “true” prequel story of The Amityville Horror… and he plans to bring a found footage angle to the project.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the producer has acquired the rights to the story of local TV reporters Laura DiDio and Marvin Scott, who investigated the famed horror house in the 1970s. Specifically, the focus will be on a séance that was held in the house on March 6, 1976 for a news report which “purportedly revealed ghostly presences, including that of a young boy, in the house.”

Learn more at IGN.com.

Writing Game: Race the Commercials

Just a quick game, because I know you don’t have time.

In fact, that’s what this game is for.

Next time you’re watching tv, keep a notebook (or your laptop) nearby. When the commercial break starts, GO. You have 2 minutes and 20 seconds to scribble (or type) like mad. How many words can you get down? Can you write a paragraph? A whole conversation? I’ve read that an hour-long show ends up being only ~40 minutes when you delete the commercials. That’s 20 minutes of time you didn’t think you had.

When your show comes back, your pen goes down. You’re free to completely ignore your story until the next break.

You may find, like I did, that you’d rather work the story than watch the show. And that your 20 minutes of writing just became 40. But if not, you’re still 20 minutes ahead on your story. Congratulations!