Real Life Horror: LASIK Eye Surgery

I’ve decided to give contacts another go. I still love my glasses, but it’s nice having the option, especially for DayJob. I’m not at the point yet (and may never be) where I feel like wearing contacts every day. Sometimes they dry out. Sometimes I have trouble getting them lined up correctly (hello, astigmatism, you bastard). Sometimes I’d rather have the extra couple minutes of sleep in the morning.

Why don’t I just get LASIK, then?

This.

This is why:

THE EYE FLAP. If I was in an accident and part of my eye CAME OFF, you can bet your ass I’d be screaming all the way to the emergency room. I wouldn’t dream of getting it done on purpose.

I should be clear: I’m not saying LASIK is bad. Lots of people are happy with their LASIK results. More power to them; they’re braver than me. It’s the actual procedure that freaks me out: something about scalpels and eyeballs sets my hair on end. And yeah, yeah, bladeless options, blah blah, it’s too late. I saw the video. The damage has been done. I’ll keep my malformed eyeballs, thank you.

(It should be obvious: don’t watch this if you’re considering the procedure. Have this instead.)

The 10 Types of Writers’ Block (and How to Overcome Them)

“Writer’s Block. It sounds like a fearsome condition, a creative blockage. The end of invention. But what is it, really?

Part of why Writer’s Block sounds so dreadful and insurmountable is the fact that nobody ever takes it apart. People lump several different types of creative problems into one broad category. In fact, there’s no such thing as “Writer’s Block,” and treating a broad range of creative slowdowns as a single ailment just creates something monolithic and huge. Each type of creative slowdown has a different cause — and thus, a different solution.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the terrifying mystique of Writer’s Block, it’s better to take it apart and understand it — and then conquer it.”

Find out how at i09.com

ScreamBody

“ScreamBody is the first of the series of Wearable Body Organs. ScreamBody is a portable space for screaming. When a user needs to scream but is in anynumber of situations where it is just not permitted, ScreamBody silences the user’s screams so they may feel free to vocalize without fear of environmental retaliation, and at the same time records the scream for later release where, when, and how the user chooses”

I’m going to go ahead and hope this is conceptual art, because the idea of someone vomiting screams into an interactive scream sack makes me uncomfortable.

Moments in Writing: It’s So Easy to Write a Novel

I was talking to a couple of acquaintances, one of whom is in the process of building a house. Let’s call her…oh hell, it’s late. We’ll call her A. A was exhausted and still had months of work to put in before the house would be complete. Exhausted, she flopped down at the table and sighed. The other one…Z…asked what was the matter.

“Oh, I just have so much work to do. The whole house still needs to be painted.” A’s eyes lit up and she addressed the both of us. “You wanna come paint this weekend?”

I blurted out “No!“, then explained that I had scheduled some novel-writing time that weekend. (Also? There is no chance in hell I’m painting your house.)

She grinned and offered to trade, then said, “Don’t worry, I’m kidding. I can’t write.”

Z jumps in: “But writing a novel would be way easier.”

Wait, what?

“A has to paint the whole house. That would take way longer.”

I sputtered and had nothing to say, which if you know me says a lot. It’s faster to write a novel? Really? Then what the hell is my problem?

For The Millionth Time: We Are Not Having Kids

I don’t see why it’s so difficult for people to understand. We’re not having kids. Period.

If you have kids, that’s great. Honestly. I know tone doesn’t always translate well on the internet, and for that I’m sorry, but believe me when I say that if you’ve always wanted children, you should have them. Enjoy them.

I’m not anti-kid. I have two nephews that I love like crazy, and any future nieces and nephews will also be welcomed with open arms and spoiled rotten. But enjoying kids is not the same as wanting your own.

I know most people mean well. They cherish their own kids, and find fulfillment and purpose in raising them. It saddens them that I’m “missing out”. I appreciate the concern.

Where it gets frustrating is when a simple “nope, not for us” goes unheeded. I’m a woman in my thirties. I’ve had lots and lots of time to think this over, and being female I’ve had lots of heavy encouragement to jump on the parent-wagon. I’ve been in a straight relationship for years; it’s not like we couldn’t have tried for kids, had we wanted them. The simple fact is that we’ve made our decision, and prodding us is irritating, not influential.

Flip it for a second: what would it be like if, instead of congratulating you on your pregnancy, I raised an eyebrow and said, “But what if you change your mind?”

I realize parenting is hard work. I know that parents make sacrifices in order to give the best to their children. If bowing out makes me selfish, then so be it. But my life, our life together, is just plain built differently. We have different goals and ambitions, and enjoy spending our time differently. We have different expectations for the future. We find satisfaction and contentment in other places.

If I wouldn’t force my life on you, why force yours on me?

Free Horror Story: Dump Room

Welcome new followers, I’m glad you’re here.

I’m reposting my free horror story, Dump Room, for those of you who haven’t read it yet. Let me know what you think!

This one’s silly and gross, and I had a blast writing it. Enjoy! -Stefanie

 

Dump Room

Melissa pried back the white plastic lid and tipped the bucket unceremoniously over a large sieve.

A hand flopped out and lay there in the plastic mesh, palm up, fingers curled.

She leaned over to get a better angle through her thick plastic mask. Female, looks like. Huh.

Once the hand had drained, she lifted the sieve and flipped it over into a lined container marked BIOHAZARD. The hand fell wetly on top of the sundry pieces already laying there; a gallbladder, a kidney, a tumour with the eye and lid still attached.

The mask she wore was chafing again. She scrunched her cheeks, trying to unstick the rubber gasket that was gouging a raw red ring into her skin. It wouldn’t budge, stuck slick against the sweat beading on her face. She sighed, the sound amplified oddly behind the industrial mask.

Better get a couple more done before break, she thought.

Sighing inwardly, she reached for the next bucket. The shelves were full this time; it would take her the rest of the day, easily, and maybe some of the next.

It hadn’t been her first choice, this job. It wouldn’t be anyone’s. But it was necessary.

An overtired supervisor had shown her to the dim room. It was cramped, tucked in behind the Pathology labs, and even through the door Melissa could smell the chemicals inside.

“This is the dump room,” the woman, Cheryl, had said. “Anything comes offa you or outta you, we keep it here in case someone decides they want to sue us. After six months, everything in here’s gotta be thrown out.” She’d swung the door wide and swept Melissa inside.

“Masks, here.” She pointed as she spoke. “Gowns, gloves, shoe covers. Buckets. If you can’t get them open, I can get you a pry tool, but I don’t like to use them. More chance of a splash.”

Melissa had hoped her grimace wasn’t obvious.

“Now, you need to know that these containers might hold anything. Breasts, feet, products of conception.” She’d looked at Melissa, her eyes softening a little. “That’s babies. Miscarriages, abortions. If you can’t deal with that we can find someone else.”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Melissa said, her voice cheerful, wanting so badly to make a good impression. Anything to get a job here. Anything.

Cheryl had nodded curtly and slipped out, leaving Melissa alone with pieces of strangers.

That first time the job had been half done already; Cheryl said the intern before her had moved on suddenly. Melissa had made short work of the dumping, and had been given the dubious honour of “Disposal Attendant”. The job paid next to nothing, but her internship was unpaid altogether and she was nearing the end of her loan.

Now she peeled back the opaque plastic lid.

Weird, she thought, there’s nothing in this one.

She swirled the murky preservative around; still nothing surfaced. She shrugged and poured the liquid out in the dump sink beside the sieve.

An ear, badly burnt, plopped into the shiny steel sink. It lay there, shrivelled and raw.

“Gross,” she said to the empty room. She flexed one gloved hand and reached down to pick it up. Her fingers stopped just shy of the lobe; for a second she thought of what it might feel like and almost didn’t touch it at all.

She’d imagined hard brittleness, but what she felt when she plucked it from the sink was warm soft flesh.

Reflex made her fling it away; it stuck to the back wall of the sink and began, before her horrified eyes, to slide back down.

She gagged a little.

Finally it flipped end over end and came to rest again by the drain.

Melissa looked around for tongs, pliers, anything so she wouldn’t have to feel it’s warmth against her glove. She found a pencil lying along the back of the counter, but couldn’t bring herself to pierce the tissue.

Reluctantly, she extended her hand again. She exhaled, steeled herself, and scooped the offending organ up. She tossed it into the waste box, where it vanished down the side.

Melissa shuddered. Screw this. I’m taking my break.

She shucked her gown off and turned to hang it on the hook.

A sound, a very, very quiet sound, came from behind her.

She stopped, held her breath, waited.

It was muffled, but it was there. The crackle of shifting plastic.

She knew right away, but she turned to be sure: it was coming from the box on the floor. The big yellow one with all the…parts.

She moved closer, shoved the box with the toe of her sneaker.

Waited.

Nothing. Stop being a dumbass.

She peeled the thick rubber gloves down and flung them onto the counter. The booties could wait—they were a pain in the ass anyway.

She nudged the lid into place with one denim-clad knee and turned to leave.

Wait.

The lid had been on, firmly, before she took her gown off. Cheryl had stressed the importance of covering the…waste…as a personal safety precaution. Melissa had clamped the lid down, she was sure of it.

But then it had been open, just a little, tilted back on an angle.

You’re losing it. Get out of the fumes.

She turned

then

a long, slick piece of intestine coiled its way up her leg. Melissa shrieked and kicked, trying to dislodge the thing. It only snugged tighter, climbing higher until it reached her thigh. One end swung itself across her and wrapped around her other leg, rendering her immobile. The other end was still pinched in the lid of the hazard container.

She screamed then, the shrill sound dead against the insulating rows of plastic.

Her hands shook; her body shuddered. This isn’t happening.

She forced a quivering hand down and pulled at the ropey gore, but it was steadfast. And the lid was sliding back again…

Melissa tried to scissor her legs apart; to force enough slack to run.

A fingertip appeared. Two. The hand gripped the lip of the waste box and tensed, trying to pull itself over. Suddenly it fell, pushed by a blob of amorphous meat that splatted down beside it.

The intestine was squeezing harder, made stronger by the chemicals that preserved it. It was up to her stomach now. She gaped down in horror. Dark blue veins pulsed with hideous life. A wet trail of chemical fixative marked its ascent. The pockets in the intestine contracted and expanded, propelling it as it slithered up toward her chest.

Bits of gore rained down from the yellow bucket on the floor and began inching closer. The errant ear from earlier rode perched atop the gnarled hand, whose cracked and blackened nails clicked on the tile as it approached.

The hand reached her in seconds, it seemed, and began tugging on her pant leg. Its fingertips clenched the fabric, urging her back towards the spreading pool of excised tissue. The grisly stump at the wrist thumped against the floor as it pulled.

The intestines were almost at her neck now, cuddled into the hot pulse at her throat. The severed end reached up and lovingly stroked her face—

The door behind her swung open.

Instantly the undead tissue fell to the floor, harmless again.

Cheryl stood in the doorway, mouth open in shock as she surveyed the scene. Bits and pieces lay scattered around the floor. Melissa stood stiff at the centre of the carnage.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” Cheryl demanded.

“It…they…attacked me!”

“They who?”

Melissa struggled to speak. The open end of intestine lying across her shoe burped, releasing a mouthful of fixative.

She ran, screaming, from the room. Cheryl watched her go with open disgust.

“They think they’ll handle it, but they never do.” She sighed, grabbed some gloves from her pocket, and set about cleaning the glistening mess.